When I made the decision to participate in the April Tough Mudder (www.toughmudder.com), I clung to that, sometimes frightening, magic that makes an athlete believe in the impossible and to my father's warnings when sports weren't always fun: If you quit this now, nothing stops you from quitting what follows. And I am no quitter. So, having no other options on Sunday, April 10, 2011 at 11:00AM, I kissed a mountain with the rest of "Team Cupcake."
Four hours, twelve miles and a few tears later, this is what I learned:
1. Eye black, off of a football field, can be quirky or sexy depending on the face and the slant of the line;
2. When race rules require your bib number to be written on your forehead and another body part of your choosing, in permanent marker, for identification, the task at hand is a little less "race" and a little more "life decision;"
3. Jogging up an uncovered bunny hill to the Tough Mudder Start Line was a spot-on indicator of things to come;
4. Chocolate is the only flavor power gel that's worth buying - believe it. This is not fatigue (or the mountain) talking. Chocolate: squeeze it into your mouth at the mid-point of your next long run, envision a sundae and keep moving;
5. Hot peppers at mile 5 of a 12 mile race (life decision): Ballsy move to eat this pepper, mid-stride. This runner declined. Another cupcake did not, under the "every obstacle" theory, and pounded the pepper. No regrets in either instance;
6. I am actually afraid of heights (recurring theme);
7. When you're jogging up a partially snow-covered black diamond, clawing at your teammates (and strangers), focused only on the next foothold and not causing a domino effect back down, it is completely appropriate to high-five the stranger who put both of his hands firmly on your backside and shoved you up the last 5 feet of the incline;
8. I would rather struggle up an incline that sucks the wind out of me than fly down the same decline without the ability to stop (control issues, much?);
9. When you take a leap off of a twelve-fifteen foot wall (or 4 of them), you better know who's waiting on the other side for the just-in-case, slap a smile on your face, greet the fear and then step on your teammate's leg, shoulder or somewhere in-between and get yourself over that wall;
10. Always make sure the last thing you look at before attempting #9 is true and steadfast enough to be the one thing you focus on while dangling by your broken finger nails from the top of that wall;
11. Long, tight running pants, preferably with a zipper pocket, are necessary for any mud run, no matter the temperature, for one simple reason: Where there is mud, there will be rocks. Rocks cut knees. Bloody knees are not cute 2 days post run and out of context;
12. When you have shirts that say "Moist Cupcake" and "Real Men Eat Cupcakes," it's probably better to stay together - again with the context;
13. While close spaces have been my achilles since [what my family refers to as] the "locker incident" of 1990, I felt an odd comfort by the amount of people meditating as they stood in line for the "Boa Constrictor" obstacle. [Side Note: After a 90 second wait, a brief prayer and a deep, soothing breath that would have made any yogi proud, the narrow, dark tunnel with a rocky bottom seemed almost manageable until I saw the water filling it up halfway.];
14. I love being a part of a team so much that, at 30 years old, these are the lengths I'm willing to go to for just a moment where I can look up, see familiar shirts and orient myself enough to keep moving with them;
15. While jumping off a 15-20 foot high plank into an icy lake may have scarred me for life, it surely will be one of those moments I call upon, twenty years from now, to remind me that trusting yourself enough to leap in the face of fear is a battle won and that I am pretty badass. [Side Note: To the force that won't let me hold on to the side of the railing, at this race and in life, I trust you will always be there to remind me to trust myself.]
16. Lakes are cold in April and when you jump into them from an (as yet) undetermined height, you sink fast, come up panicking and can't breath in easily because of the water temperature [read: this is what it feels like to drown.];
17. I take back every single time I thought (or said out loud) how ridiculous those metallic, tinfoil-esque blankets they give out at winter races are. Because, they're pretty amazing when combined with the heat of bodies wrapped around portable heaters in a "warming tent;"
18. I didn't immediately realize I was crying as I crawled out of the lake and, even now, I'm not sure I fully grasp the enormity of that moment;
19. After snapping my left ankle on a rocky trail in the middle of the woods, recovering, snapping it worse in the middle of the "muddy mile," panicking about a serious injury, skipping 3 obstacles and hobbling up and down and up and down and up and down, through fire, and up and down and back up, all with a steadied path and rocks kicked out from where I was walking, I was humbled by kindness and truly did not regret my decision to be there, in that moment; and
20. Crossing a finish line four hours after anything begins is a triumph - adding people like the ones that carried me across made it a moment I will never forget.
And so, with my fuzzy orange mudder headband, Dos Equis in hand, I walked barefoot with my team, across a parking lot, through a hotel lobby and bee-lined a hot shower and mountain-view hot tub. Five hours after I went off the grid, the blood was gone, the jets were at my back and I was shoving guilt-free pretzels and coconut M&M's into my mouth. I was beaten, scratched, sore and wondering when I would be rid of the muddy hugh to my otherwise red hair, but I was back on top of my game; healed up, injury free and ready for action. Team.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
My last run with you, loyal shoes.
At mile 4.5 of my last (7 mile) run in my baby blue Asics Gels, I ran back across the South Street Bridge, with Penn behind me and the skyline just ahead lit up by a red sky. At that time of day, nothing else existed but that red sky and my steady footsteps. There were no cars, no other runners and not an anxious thought to be had. It was, quite frankly, a peaceful moment in a city that slept in that morning.
My Asics and I crossed the bridge and headed back toward the river path, racing a train that may or may not have existed, but was nonetheless capable of blocking access at Locust Street. And so we sprinted on.
Access gained, I took my loyal pre and post injury shoes to the very tip of the path and back around to the boat houses. The rowers were skipping their high knees and stretching out before a cool morning in the water began; the statues of unidentifiable figures were lit up by that ever-present red glow; and geese flew low over the flat river.
This run was as close to one of those brilliant summer mornings as we'd come in at least 8 months - strong, true and without the pretense of injury. It was the kind of sendoff any loyal pair of shoes deserved and a power move in the right direction for this (sometimes) wary runner.
My Asics and I crossed the bridge and headed back toward the river path, racing a train that may or may not have existed, but was nonetheless capable of blocking access at Locust Street. And so we sprinted on.
Access gained, I took my loyal pre and post injury shoes to the very tip of the path and back around to the boat houses. The rowers were skipping their high knees and stretching out before a cool morning in the water began; the statues of unidentifiable figures were lit up by that ever-present red glow; and geese flew low over the flat river.
This run was as close to one of those brilliant summer mornings as we'd come in at least 8 months - strong, true and without the pretense of injury. It was the kind of sendoff any loyal pair of shoes deserved and a power move in the right direction for this (sometimes) wary runner.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
9 Minutes.
This is the Thursday in a week that won't die. A week full of Monday attitudes and tight spaces; allergies and a pile of tissues; a sore ankle and a visit to the Rothman Institute; 8:30PM bedtimes, wine and dayquil; deadlines, missed, made and otherwise; weak workouts that left me gasping and an all-time struggle of a cross-training trip to the Art Museum Steps; new running shoes; Tough Mudder preparation; and a poor attitude.
This morning I set out to run for 45 minutes, stretch all the bad stuff out, drink an excessive amount of coffee and charge at the day. My new attitude didn't seem possible until the last 9 minutes of my run. About .75 of a mile from the gym, my stride finally felt natural, the figurative blast of wind was now at my back, the only thing I heard was rowing intervals with my own breathing, and just as quickly Thursday became like any other and 9 minutes melted away the days that came before.
This morning I set out to run for 45 minutes, stretch all the bad stuff out, drink an excessive amount of coffee and charge at the day. My new attitude didn't seem possible until the last 9 minutes of my run. About .75 of a mile from the gym, my stride finally felt natural, the figurative blast of wind was now at my back, the only thing I heard was rowing intervals with my own breathing, and just as quickly Thursday became like any other and 9 minutes melted away the days that came before.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
"I don't need easy, I just need possible."
I heard this quote walking through my living room, 5 hours after I ran 10 miles for the first time since August, 2010. No matter that it's attributable to a Carrie Underwood lookalike in a movie called "Power Surfer," it struck my tired self nonetheless. Since October 5, 2010, I've been quasi-climbing, quasi-crawling my way back up to where I fell from. It has not been easy. I've found every triumph to have it's yang in pain or fatigue, every great run countered by unyielding soreness and every two steps forward accompanied by a half step back. But, today, it became possible.
After 7.5 months, an actual milestone: with the Broad Street Run 28 days out (exactly four weeks away as of 8AM this morning), I am 3 minutes off last year's race pace and not looking back.
I ran sick this morning. And, the first 4 miles through Penn and back across Market, down 23rd Street to the deserted Philadelphia Zoo were brutal and in complete defiance of my sore throat and itchy face. But somewhere between 4.25 and 4.5, when I was on the downside of 9 miles (all I'd set out to run this morning), running through the arches of the Please Touch Museum grounds and reliving the ODDyssey Half Marathon from last summer, adrenaline officially took over.
When I doubled back through the Japanese Garden gates and headed for the arches once again, the left achy ankle, wasn't; the sore hamstrings and hip flexors, weren't; and the sick took a break. As I found my way down West River Drive and came up on the Three Mile Green House (Green House exactly 3 miles from my office - great name, I know), the decision to pass 9 and shoot for 10 was made for me. The rowers raced along side of me, the geese mimicked clapping as they splashed each other, runners and bikers flooded in the opposite direction and I felt, for just a moment, like the mid-August-on-top-of-my-game-ME.
As the One Mile Tree (large tree in foreground of Art Museum - exactly one mile from my office, shockingly great name, I know) came into view, I was in a very familiar zone. At that tree, where so many tempo runs began and ended with a torso stretch across an imaginary line as people stared wondering who I was in a race with (my imaginary self), I dropped fear of over-doing it and put down that last mile as hard and fast as I could.
Not easy, worth it and - increasingly possible.
After 7.5 months, an actual milestone: with the Broad Street Run 28 days out (exactly four weeks away as of 8AM this morning), I am 3 minutes off last year's race pace and not looking back.
I ran sick this morning. And, the first 4 miles through Penn and back across Market, down 23rd Street to the deserted Philadelphia Zoo were brutal and in complete defiance of my sore throat and itchy face. But somewhere between 4.25 and 4.5, when I was on the downside of 9 miles (all I'd set out to run this morning), running through the arches of the Please Touch Museum grounds and reliving the ODDyssey Half Marathon from last summer, adrenaline officially took over.
When I doubled back through the Japanese Garden gates and headed for the arches once again, the left achy ankle, wasn't; the sore hamstrings and hip flexors, weren't; and the sick took a break. As I found my way down West River Drive and came up on the Three Mile Green House (Green House exactly 3 miles from my office - great name, I know), the decision to pass 9 and shoot for 10 was made for me. The rowers raced along side of me, the geese mimicked clapping as they splashed each other, runners and bikers flooded in the opposite direction and I felt, for just a moment, like the mid-August-on-top-of-my-game-ME.
As the One Mile Tree (large tree in foreground of Art Museum - exactly one mile from my office, shockingly great name, I know) came into view, I was in a very familiar zone. At that tree, where so many tempo runs began and ended with a torso stretch across an imaginary line as people stared wondering who I was in a race with (my imaginary self), I dropped fear of over-doing it and put down that last mile as hard and fast as I could.
Not easy, worth it and - increasingly possible.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Market Street
I sat watching Philadelphia wake up this morning. After a magic 6 miles around the Penn campus, through Rittenhouse Square and into a deserted business district, I stretched and ate grapes on the sidewalk as the old men, newspapers in hand, made their way to coffee shops while their younger counterparts trudged back to where they think they left their cars at the beginning of a long night. Sitting on the cold pavement in the sun, I realized that my sore throat lost its battle and I, admittedly, felt unstoppable.
Lights popped on at some of the offices on the higher floors in the neighboring buildings; vendors towed their little trucks to the usual spots and flipped open their lids for business; and women wearing lulu marched their dogs off to the park as they chatted at each other.
For the next 20 minutes, I stretched in silence, watching. The people poured out of their homes, headed in all directions, and so did the runners. Suddenly people were sprinting past me, down Market Street, likely heading to a path or away from the traffic that was already picking up.
I may be projecting, but it seemed like everyone had their "goal face" on this morning. Some were running off a night out, others were checking off a box on a training schedule and reminding those they ran next to that this day and this run would lead to greater things and still, those pensive few, deep in their holistic thoughts, strided by so gracefully that their feet barely touched the pavement.
A beautiful sunrise in Center City apparently brings us out, whatever the reason, in concert. Seemingly scattered all over the city, yet we were all in a dance together this morning: running.
Lights popped on at some of the offices on the higher floors in the neighboring buildings; vendors towed their little trucks to the usual spots and flipped open their lids for business; and women wearing lulu marched their dogs off to the park as they chatted at each other.
For the next 20 minutes, I stretched in silence, watching. The people poured out of their homes, headed in all directions, and so did the runners. Suddenly people were sprinting past me, down Market Street, likely heading to a path or away from the traffic that was already picking up.
I may be projecting, but it seemed like everyone had their "goal face" on this morning. Some were running off a night out, others were checking off a box on a training schedule and reminding those they ran next to that this day and this run would lead to greater things and still, those pensive few, deep in their holistic thoughts, strided by so gracefully that their feet barely touched the pavement.
A beautiful sunrise in Center City apparently brings us out, whatever the reason, in concert. Seemingly scattered all over the city, yet we were all in a dance together this morning: running.
Friday, April 1, 2011
One Month
Dear Broad Street Run,
When my knee aches after a run, I do not automatically fear. I RICE.
When I have a bad run, I do not doubt the existence of all of the great runs that came before.
When hills hurt, as they often do, I do not convince myself you are flat and I will be fine.
When miles make my tendons scream, I do not allow myself the luxury of a slower pace or a moment of "what if I can't do this."
I may have broken down and broken my knee last October, but I want you, especially, to know I'm stronger for it. Setbacks are only such that we allow them to be. Every mile I run that brings me closer to you is a hard fought reminder of how far I fell. But, 7 months later, it's been one hell of a climb back up.
[High Five] JC
When my knee aches after a run, I do not automatically fear. I RICE.
When I have a bad run, I do not doubt the existence of all of the great runs that came before.
When hills hurt, as they often do, I do not convince myself you are flat and I will be fine.
When miles make my tendons scream, I do not allow myself the luxury of a slower pace or a moment of "what if I can't do this."
I may have broken down and broken my knee last October, but I want you, especially, to know I'm stronger for it. Setbacks are only such that we allow them to be. Every mile I run that brings me closer to you is a hard fought reminder of how far I fell. But, 7 months later, it's been one hell of a climb back up.
[High Five] JC
A week in review.
This week I:
Revisited two-a-days for the second time since 1998;
lifted a barbell 105 times;
ran for 45 minutes without satellites to make me feel badly about my pace;
wore slippers in the office (only to ease up on my aching Achilles of course);
drank more water;
ate more carbs;
stressed about the additional carbs (read: M&M's);
received a perfectly timed "keep your head up and just get this done" from my favorite physical therapist;
got up every day at 4:30AM to hit the gym, hard, before work;
realized that, under the florescent lighting of a Federal Court's 1970's bathroom, ten hours post-application, makeup does not look so fresh and the lines around my eyes are, indeed, lines around my eyes;
forgot to go to that dentist appointment, again;
found myself at the wrong end of an April Fool's joke (thanks, dad); and
Signed up for the Philadelphia Marathon.
Yesterday, training was for this hurdle. Today this hurdle officially has a name. I'm not afraid of you, Marathon - in fact, you're what gets me up at 4:30AM five days a week, what focuses me on days when everything aches, drives me when I'm empty and carries me when no one else will. Until we meet!
Revisited two-a-days for the second time since 1998;
lifted a barbell 105 times;
ran for 45 minutes without satellites to make me feel badly about my pace;
wore slippers in the office (only to ease up on my aching Achilles of course);
drank more water;
ate more carbs;
stressed about the additional carbs (read: M&M's);
received a perfectly timed "keep your head up and just get this done" from my favorite physical therapist;
got up every day at 4:30AM to hit the gym, hard, before work;
realized that, under the florescent lighting of a Federal Court's 1970's bathroom, ten hours post-application, makeup does not look so fresh and the lines around my eyes are, indeed, lines around my eyes;
forgot to go to that dentist appointment, again;
found myself at the wrong end of an April Fool's joke (thanks, dad); and
Signed up for the Philadelphia Marathon.
Yesterday, training was for this hurdle. Today this hurdle officially has a name. I'm not afraid of you, Marathon - in fact, you're what gets me up at 4:30AM five days a week, what focuses me on days when everything aches, drives me when I'm empty and carries me when no one else will. Until we meet!
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