My practices are not designed for your enjoyment.

I used to keep a Running Journal (the one that came free with my one year subscription to Runner's World - nothing flashy.  Just a little notebook-jobby that never left my backpack and smelled faintly of tiger balm and suntan lotion) that was a cross between my diary and my coach.  While it shouted (in all caps, no less) tips about proper hydration, sodium intake and the science behind a tempo run, it also held on to more than just the way each run felt when I was fighting to put left in front of right.  That Journal knew when I was sleeping and why I wasn't, what I was anxious about and what dulled the panic and how I coped and when I couldn't. And so, a gradual reliance on the meditation of running - without music, blackberry alerts or conversation - grew in me and there it always remained - written down, underlined and highlighted like a kaleidoscope's view of the world I was piecing back together.

I saw the familiar cover of the [Runner's World Welcome-to-your-new-addiction] Journal today.  In someone else's hand, it seemed unrecognizable and slightly abstract. Knowing that the place I left last year's training highs and lows was safely tucked under a stack of my Boyar's Market (great deli in OC, NJ that taught me the finer arts of butchery and breakups) T-Shirts on a shelf hidden behind sweaters I never wear in a closet I don't look for them, was only a slight comfort.  

My last entry (from my last mudrun at Fright Land, no less) will remain just that for a while longer.  I guess I need a few more miles on my knee before I trust that there will be any after that worth writing about.

But that's not to say I'm just out there are willy nilly and not keeping track - what kind of obsessive would I be if that were the case?

On graduation day from physical therapy, my person (read: the woman at the Rothman institute that actually put me back together when a doctor couldn't) sent me home with a running program in hand, better habits, a little trust of my knee and a plan.

Today, 4 weeks into running and 2 weeks into my (Broad Street Run) program, I made the following notation next to today's date on a calendar on my wall: "3.15/30 Min."

While it's not easy and it's so far from where I was last summer, 3.15 miles is more than I could have hoped for 2 months ago, beyond the 5 blocks where it all started back up again and all I need right now.